My friend and comedian Johnny Biscuit has a very funny skit where he talks about which animals we eat vs which animals we make into pets. One line from that monologue goes something like: “People whine about all those dolphins caught in the tuna nets…what about all the tuna in the tuna nets?!” I love Johnny B, but I share that to make a point about this week’s news about “modified salmon.”
Grown 2x faster than “natural” salmon and just as tasty – what could be bad about that. Well, opponents do have a point ala Jurassic Park gene splicing. The “modified” salmon has a human installed growth hormone on-switch from an “eel-like fish, an ocean pout.” Bottom line, “big fish fast” to your grocer meat counter – shouldn’t they call it the Protein counter now?
Maybe this is more like Godzilla. What could we get if we install that growth “on switch” in a whale? WOW! Think of the bucks for Japan’s fishing industry. Think of the Whale Wars episode. Think of the Moby Dick Revisited movie rights. Well, I get carried away. I am a PR and marketing guy, after all.
That said, I think I would eat this fish from AquaBounty. I eat hybrid tomatoes. I eat beefy beef and lean piggies that have more supplements than I can buy at Gold’s Gym. Nobody eats corn that hasn’t been monkeyed with by man for centuries. No telling what how much plastic we are eating from the fish since we have turned out back on dumping millions of plastic bottles into the ocean.
- Planet – can we be assured these Super Salmon won’t be introduced into the Atlantic or Pacific?
- People – Omega 3, yes! Fish is awesome, healthier than most meat or poultry, but has there been adequate testing on effects of consumption?
- Profit – AquaBounty should make a grundle if this takes off (and in a capitalist society that I love, more power to them)
Now, I do agree we should have a cool label to go on this fish. Now, let me put my marketing brainstorm hat on for a minute. Maybe something like:
“Super Salmon – able to jump a man-made fish ladder or a salmon-killing dam in a single leap. “
small print: This nutritious and Omega 3 rich food is made available to you and your family because mankind has strip-mined the ocean of natural fish and instead of being socially responsible in fishing and rehabilitating the ocean, it’s easier to change the genetic code to feed your family. You understand fish is ssoooooo good for you. Fish – its what’s for dinner. (please discontinue use if your children start growing really, really fast)
Back to the tuna in the tuna nets. Maybe its time for mankind to examine our shortsighted practices causing us to look for amazing technology like this.